Business as usual

Stupid pointless day, followed by one cancelled train and a delayed one with no announcement. At the moment, it's looking like I'll be delayed by an hour and 20 minutes, not counting any knock-on effects for catching the night bus. I think East Midlands should also compensate me for the additional 30 minutes I'll have to spend dealing with the reimbursement claim tomorrow.

Soap and water

Another train etiquette pointer, and stop me if you've heard this one: wash your balls. If I can smell the stank from 4 rows away and it's 8am, you need a reminder.

It's also getting to be that time of year where we all start dragging out our coats and scarves. Yes, I know it's still technically August, but it is downright chilly. Do us all a favour and give them a wash. When the train is warm and crowded, it reduces the amount of funk in the air. Thanks in advance.

Really sad

It is really, really hot in here. The train has been stuck in a tunnel for over 40 minutes now, and the conductor has a very faint grasp of the English language. Despite two announcements, we are none the wiser since we can't understand a damn word over the tannoy. There is no signal, so this post will appear when the train emerges from the blackness.

From the other end of the carriage has been an incessant barrage of drunken noise. The offenders have just staggered down the aisle. Guess who? Two of the 3 cider drinkers from this morning. They haven't stopped drinking in the interim, by the look of it. No sign of the kid (who was apparently a boy, but just bedecked with a long ponytail in a purple elastic). Perhaps somebody else took pity on him and stole him. I bottled it at the last minute. May the little guy have been snagged by a benevolent rescuer.

Sad

I am trapped at a table with three young men who are drinking 500ml cans of cider at 10am. They are having discussions about friends named Teabag, Pookie, and Shots. They are loud and annoying, but that's not what I find uncomfortable about the situation.

They have a beautiful little girl of about 3 years old with them. She is sucking back Tic Tacs and Lucozade as fast as they are sucking back the booze. What should be a lovely smile is marred by a mouthful of brown teeth, complete with hypoplasia and the characteristic tooth shape of a kid who probably still has a pacifier. Wonder if they'll notice if I snatch her up and run. Maybe after a couple more cans, I'll get my chance...