Train Buddy must have done something bad.
He's being punished by the train gods.
Nothing will turn your day to excrement like morning train problems. Our line services 3 of the North's largest cities, and all of the commuter towns in between. Yet, for some reason, the gods often send only enough carriages for approximately half of the passengers. Train Buddy's morning journey was described something like this: unmitigated disaster. Signal failures, cancellations, delays, heaving platform and then 2 carriages rock up. Folks standing from start.
As if it wasn't bad enough being an hour late for work and rammed like sardines with people's asses in his face, he got a booper nearby. A booper is someone that leaves the sounds on their phone keypad turned on [boop, boop, beep, bleep, boop] (see ettiquette post). He probably should have just gone home then, but in his words "aint no-one getting off this train without serious injury, and possibly a crowbar". So, instead he had to content himself with creative ideas for punishing the booper.
This morning, it was more of the same. He's scouting for sacrificial offerings to appease the train gods, so watch out.
I worked from home yesterday and took a later train this morning, thus escaping his fate. So obviously, it's his fault.