Thursday, 23 September 2010

What's your superhero name?

More than once in the recent past, friends have had the conversation about what superheroes we would choose to be (We are nerds and are fine with it). I've decided on mine and am acting on it.

I've become...[cue big announcer voice and some catchy theme music] The Earbud Avenger! She stops offensive music listeners with a single polite request!

Train Buddy and I tossed around a few costume ideas, but would welcome some sketches.

I've successfully stopped three offenders this week alone, saving dozens of commuters from the annoying dush-dush-dush sound of an astonishing array of really poor music.

Wherever there's an offensive twat, the Earbud Avenger will be there! Oh wait. Hmm. That didn't quite come out right. Slogan suggestions gratefully accepted.

More death

Another death from someone ending his life jumping in front of the train. Although I'm terribly sorry for this tragedy, I'm pretty pissed off. I'm hungry, I'm tired, I won't get to see my daughter before she goes to bed and all of my gadgets are running out of battery. We've been stuck on the tracks with a train in front and one behind while they scrape up the bits further down the line, so we can't even get to a station for a replacement bus. I can't imagine who wants their entire existence reduced to an incredibly inconvenient smudge.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

A man in my lap

My personal space has been so violated this morning. A man got on the train at one of the stops where it actually begins to empty out and wedged himself into the window seat next to me at the table of four that was otherwise empty.

He was rather wide and proceeded to turn himself diagonally in his seat to look out his window. Half his ass was in my lap and he kept bumping into my computer. He turned to me with what appeared to be four mouthfuls of battered fish (at 8am) hanging out of his mouth and said rather aggressively, "novevif go wipoo?". Between the Chinese accent and the pieces of food flying from his gob, it took me a minute to mentally process what he was saying. Doves whiff of poo? Guvs vits whirlpool? I finally managed to decipher the syllables. Does this go to Liverpool? Yes, but I'll be arriving there in the other carriage.

Sunday, 12 September 2010

It's a good day

It's the first day of school, and even though I'm now on the other side of the register, it's always still an experience that gives me the jitters.

The year is off to a flying start if my morning thus far is any indication. I woke up refreshed before my alarm went off and had time to exercise, make breakfast and look halfway decent before I went out the door. I got the Brad Pitt bus driver, and the train rocked up with four carriages rather than the usual two. Train buddy is here too. I'm in such a good mood that I'm actually finding camp guy drinking prosecco and loudly discussing the intricacies of stock checking at the Co-op kind of funny.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Coworker blues

Don't you just hate it when your travel companion is somebody you don't really want to talk to in the office and now you're stuck with for days because of some bloody meeting?

There are two coworkers travelling together this morning. She is reading Shakespeare. He is a bit of a used car salesman. Why can't he see that she just wants hime to leave her to read her book in peace? She's really working the the non-committal "I'm not really interested but won't tell you to shut up" gesture. If you're not familiar, this involves pressing the lips together while raising the eyebrows. The eyes say, "oh really?" but the mouth says, "I'm going to punch you in a second". The expression is accompanied by the slightest nod and affirmative uh-huh, all with only briefly looking up from the book. Eventually, as the pointed looks at her book become longer and her eyebrow raises become shorter, the man decides to stop bothering her.

The silence is evidently too much, and he gradually builds up from shuffling papers to agitatedly bouncing his knee; he just can't keep it in any longer. It's like watching a child play the quiet game. He spews out all the conversation that he's been storing up for the past three minutes and she resignedly closes her book.

Thursday, 2 September 2010

Death and destruction

Another fatality. Another interminable delay. Don't be so selfish if you're going to off yourself.