Over the loudspeaker: "We are sorry to inform you that the toilets on
this service are out of order". Cue group of little old ladies giggling.
"The next available toilets will be in one hour's time". Travelling
grannies no longer giggling.
"Should you need to avail yourself of the platform facilities, please
make yourself known to the conductor and we will delay departure for
you". Travelling grannies now looking completely mortified.
"We apologise for inconvenience". Travelling Granny: "They'll be
apologising for incontinence in an hour." Cue group of little old
ladies giggling again.
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Friday, 19 February 2010
The train guys are bored...
Almost every day this week, the train has flashed up that it's late and then arrives on time causing panic. Train Buddy sends this report:
Yesterday was the usual giggle fest down on the farm/station. Arrive at 0610, train "delayed" till 0638. Then out of the blue, at 0612, came the "this train is ready to depart". You couldn't make up that level of panic. Metro's were abandoned, partially eaten muffins dropped, and staccatto swearing bulleted the air. Herd mentality spread like wildfire; 1st one then another passenger broke into a trot, then a canter, then a full-on undignified blethering knees-up, liberally sloshing hot coffee over crotches, swearing took on an air of pained desperation. We streamed up the stairs, over the walkway, down onto the platform and hurled ourselves at the train, wildly swinging elbows. A few missed the doors.
And then, as fast as it began, it was over. The train left quietly at the normal time, 5mins later, with the more rotund amongst us wondering if a coronary bypass came with the trolley service. East Midland Trains; "We're so punctual, we make even earlybirds crap their pants".
Yesterday was the usual giggle fest down on the farm/station. Arrive at 0610, train "delayed" till 0638. Then out of the blue, at 0612, came the "this train is ready to depart". You couldn't make up that level of panic. Metro's were abandoned, partially eaten muffins dropped, and staccatto swearing bulleted the air. Herd mentality spread like wildfire; 1st one then another passenger broke into a trot, then a canter, then a full-on undignified blethering knees-up, liberally sloshing hot coffee over crotches, swearing took on an air of pained desperation. We streamed up the stairs, over the walkway, down onto the platform and hurled ourselves at the train, wildly swinging elbows. A few missed the doors.
And then, as fast as it began, it was over. The train left quietly at the normal time, 5mins later, with the more rotund amongst us wondering if a coronary bypass came with the trolley service. East Midland Trains; "We're so punctual, we make even earlybirds crap their pants".
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Seriously?
I stayed late tonight, and got to the station only to find that the
train had been cancelled. No explanation. And then the bus didn't turn
up. Left the office at 5:30 and got home at 9. Ah, reliable public
transportation, I dream of you at night.
train had been cancelled. No explanation. And then the bus didn't turn
up. Left the office at 5:30 and got home at 9. Ah, reliable public
transportation, I dream of you at night.
Monday, 8 February 2010
Suicidal tendencies
Suicide is selfish. It's also tragic. This post may be a bit
controversial, so of this is a sensitive topic for you, please don't
read any further.
On Wednesday morning, the train ground to a halt 10 minutes after
setting off. It was ostensibly due to points failure. I didn't have
any appointments first thing, so I was happy to muse on the beauty of
sheep huddling on the snow covered fields during the temporary delay.
Turns out that "points failure" was code for something far more
sinister creating hours of travel chaos.
If you're planning on killing yourself, please don't chuck yourself in
front of a train to do it. My normal 2 hour commute took nearly 5
because some guy decided to leap in front of a freight train. The poor
train driver and people on the platform had to witness the gruesome
sight of body parts everywhere. Thousands of people were late for
work, missed meetings, job interviews, and even had holidays ruined
because they missed flights. It took most of the day to sort out the
aftermath.
On top of that, it snowed in the afternoon, bringing other forms of
transportation to a halt. I left my house at 6:45am and didn't get
back until 9pm and had to hike nearly 3 miles in the snow to get
there. Neither a happy nor productive day. Thank goodness for podcasts
and fellow travellers with equally macabre senses of humour. We all
agreed that if the train hadn't killed that guy, we would have.
controversial, so of this is a sensitive topic for you, please don't
read any further.
On Wednesday morning, the train ground to a halt 10 minutes after
setting off. It was ostensibly due to points failure. I didn't have
any appointments first thing, so I was happy to muse on the beauty of
sheep huddling on the snow covered fields during the temporary delay.
Turns out that "points failure" was code for something far more
sinister creating hours of travel chaos.
If you're planning on killing yourself, please don't chuck yourself in
front of a train to do it. My normal 2 hour commute took nearly 5
because some guy decided to leap in front of a freight train. The poor
train driver and people on the platform had to witness the gruesome
sight of body parts everywhere. Thousands of people were late for
work, missed meetings, job interviews, and even had holidays ruined
because they missed flights. It took most of the day to sort out the
aftermath.
On top of that, it snowed in the afternoon, bringing other forms of
transportation to a halt. I left my house at 6:45am and didn't get
back until 9pm and had to hike nearly 3 miles in the snow to get
there. Neither a happy nor productive day. Thank goodness for podcasts
and fellow travellers with equally macabre senses of humour. We all
agreed that if the train hadn't killed that guy, we would have.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Mandatory issue
Normally, I don't plug products. However, on my recent trip to the US, I discovered a product that should be mandatory for all ipodiots (see definition in one of my earlier posts).
There's a product called yurbuds, which are "earbud enhancers". I bought a pair for running. They are semi-custom silicone covers that slip over the ear end of earbuds and prevent them from falling out of the ear canal. They also have the added benefit of directing the sound into the ear canal, reducing the volume at which one has to listen. They also prevent the sound from coming OUT and disturbing one's fellow travellers.
This simple invention (www.yurbuds.com) may be a crime prevention tool. Without it, I predict an outbreak of rage-induced homicides in which angry commuters strangle inconsiderate jerks with their own headphone cords. They may even be celebrated by the press as "have a go heroes". So, join me today in petitioning for yurbuds to be required for use on all public transportation and prevent violence.
------------------
There's a product called yurbuds, which are "earbud enhancers". I bought a pair for running. They are semi-custom silicone covers that slip over the ear end of earbuds and prevent them from falling out of the ear canal. They also have the added benefit of directing the sound into the ear canal, reducing the volume at which one has to listen. They also prevent the sound from coming OUT and disturbing one's fellow travellers.
This simple invention (www.yurbuds.com) may be a crime prevention tool. Without it, I predict an outbreak of rage-induced homicides in which angry commuters strangle inconsiderate jerks with their own headphone cords. They may even be celebrated by the press as "have a go heroes". So, join me today in petitioning for yurbuds to be required for use on all public transportation and prevent violence.
------------------
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
Back to the grind. And the gross.
I'm very fortunate that although I have a crazy commute, I am also able to work from home when the students are away, so for two glorious weeks in December, my alarm did not ring at 5:30.
I had to travel during the unexpectedly heavy snows. There were people slipping over on the icy, glasslike pavements and busses stopped running. But the trains kept running. I can't figure this out, because they are unpredictable during good weather and frequently late or cancelled due to adverse weather. My personal favourites are leaves on the track and rain. It is England, after all. However, 3 feet of snow was not a problem, and I was grateful.
I travelled to the US last week and was thwarted from reaching the airport for my return journey by a freak outbreak of sinkholes opening in the roads, but otherwise the trip was fantastic. I returned relaxed and feeling quite productive, only to be slapped in the face by the horrible reality of public transportation. Nothing quite says, "Welcome home!" Iike a mentally disturbed person drumming agitatedly on all surfaces of the train and loudly hawking up lughies and spitting them into fast food wrappers.
My first journey back into work was met with a sort of ying and yang harmony. The bus was broken down at my stop and I was nearly late. However, the replacement bus driver was a smouldering Brad Pitt lookalike with dark hair. Good morning. The train was abysmally late and platform changes sent me running up and down several flights of stairs at breakneck speed. But when it arrived, there were 5 carriages. 5!
This morning, missing bus and no Brad Pitt. I did get a coffee, but was put off drinking it by a woman(!) hacking the contents of her lungs and sinuses onto the platform. She was chattering loudly in Mandarin into her mobile while doing it, so I can only hope that it was a culturally acceptable thing to her. Otherwise, she and crazy dude may be the harbingers of a new phlegm trend. If that's the case, I'm moving.
------------------
I had to travel during the unexpectedly heavy snows. There were people slipping over on the icy, glasslike pavements and busses stopped running. But the trains kept running. I can't figure this out, because they are unpredictable during good weather and frequently late or cancelled due to adverse weather. My personal favourites are leaves on the track and rain. It is England, after all. However, 3 feet of snow was not a problem, and I was grateful.
I travelled to the US last week and was thwarted from reaching the airport for my return journey by a freak outbreak of sinkholes opening in the roads, but otherwise the trip was fantastic. I returned relaxed and feeling quite productive, only to be slapped in the face by the horrible reality of public transportation. Nothing quite says, "Welcome home!" Iike a mentally disturbed person drumming agitatedly on all surfaces of the train and loudly hawking up lughies and spitting them into fast food wrappers.
My first journey back into work was met with a sort of ying and yang harmony. The bus was broken down at my stop and I was nearly late. However, the replacement bus driver was a smouldering Brad Pitt lookalike with dark hair. Good morning. The train was abysmally late and platform changes sent me running up and down several flights of stairs at breakneck speed. But when it arrived, there were 5 carriages. 5!
This morning, missing bus and no Brad Pitt. I did get a coffee, but was put off drinking it by a woman(!) hacking the contents of her lungs and sinuses onto the platform. She was chattering loudly in Mandarin into her mobile while doing it, so I can only hope that it was a culturally acceptable thing to her. Otherwise, she and crazy dude may be the harbingers of a new phlegm trend. If that's the case, I'm moving.
------------------
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
Snow Surprising
After a blissful 3 weeks of working from home, it's time to return to work. The landscape is covered with a glorious blanket of white and all is silent. Oh, wait. It's because there are 2 inches of snow on the ground and the city has ground to a halt. There are no buses, and I'm getting text alerts that the trains are delayed. I'm supposed to fly internationally in two days and the airports are closed.
I wouldn't mind if these "freak snowstorms" were a freaky occurrence, but they occur several times over the winter. Every year.Why can't we seem to cope when the rest of Europe plugs along quite happily all year? Snow chains, all-weather tyres and some preparation on the behalf of public transport and councils: it's not a big ask.
I wouldn't mind if these "freak snowstorms" were a freaky occurrence, but they occur several times over the winter. Every year.Why can't we seem to cope when the rest of Europe plugs along quite happily all year? Snow chains, all-weather tyres and some preparation on the behalf of public transport and councils: it's not a big ask.
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